On the Way Out (from 8.15.2006)

It was only in the last several days that is struck me how soon I will be in Germany... and how drastically my life will change.

Being a compulsive worrier with cyclical and delicate self-confidence I once again was creative and persistent in finding things over which to stress. Again I have bundled all hypothetical problems that I imagine for myself (realistic or otherwise) into one growing ball upon which I sit and bite my nails without efficiently seeking solutions to any one -- ("for, after all, there are so many, how could I possibly easy ANYTHING... so why even try").

Anyway, my emotions are mixed going into this journey... however I am confident that everything will work out for the best in the end, it is just a matter of how long until I am comfortable (and how well I deal with my new challenges).

Deciding uncharaceristically-spur-of-the-moment to fly to Seattle for 5 days, less than 2 weeks before I depart is certainly symptomatic of my travel/change anxiety... (and perhaps it's not the best timing) but I know I'll have a good time seeing friends (+ lover), and more pertinent, will be able to preoccupy my worries away.

Hold your thumbs for me.